Approximately 1 in 3 high school and college students experience sexual, physical, verbal, or emotional violence in a dating relationship.

Dating and Domestic Violence

Partner violence is any sexual, physical, verbal, or emotional abuse of one partner by the other in a romantic relationship. While arguing or fighting occurs in all relationships, partner violence is about power and control of one partner by the other. Due to the nature of being in a relationship with the abuser, partner violence can be hard to identify and understand. If you are in abusive relationship, you may find it difficult to acknowledge because the abuser is someone for whom you have feelings. Abusive behavior can take many forms. Be concerned if your partner:

  • Is jealous and possessive
  • Tries to control everything you do
  • Tries to isolate you from family and friends
  • Has a quick temper or unpredictable reactions to ordinary things
  • Often exhibits violent behavior toward animals, children, or other people
  • Pressures you for sex
  • Has a history of bad relationships
  • Has a strong belief in extreme gender roles
  • Says things like:
    • "If you really loved me…"
    • "You just don't understand…"
    • "No one has ever loved/understood me like you do"
    • "You'd be nothing without me"

In all relationships, it is important to trust your instincts. If your intuition tells you something is wrong, you shouldn't ignore it.

For more information on getting out of abusive relationships or recovering from partner violence, please see " Recovery from Dating and Domestic Violence."

Information on different types of abusive behavior can be found in the table below.

Coercion/Threats Emotional Abuse
  • making and/or carrying out threats of hurting you
  • threatening to leave you, to commit suicide, or to report you to welfare
  • making you drop charges after you seek help
  • making you do illegal things
  • putting you down
  • making you feel bad about yourself
  • calling you names
  • making you think you're crazy
  • playing mind games
  • humiliating you
  • making you feel guilty
Abusing Authority Sexual Intimidation
  • treating you like a servant
  • making all the big decisions
  • acting like the only one who matters
  • being the one to define roles in the relationship
  • making you afraid by using looks, actions, gestures
  • smashing things
  • destroying your property
  • abusing pets
  • displaying weapons
Economic Abuse Using Isolation
  • prevention you from getting or keeping a job
  • making you ask for money
  • giving you an allowance
  • taking your money
  • not letting you know about or have access to family income
  • controlling what you do, who you see and talk to, what you read, where you go
  • limiting your outside involvement
  • using jealousy to justify actions
Minimizing, Denying and Blaming Using Family and Loved Ones
  • making light of the abuse and not taking your concerns about it seriously
  • saying the abuse didn't happen
  • shifting responsibility for abusive behavior
  • saying you caused it
  • making you feel guilty about the children
  • causing family to relay abusive messages
  • using visitation to harass you
  • threatening to take the children away
Table taken from Sonoma University (www.sonoma.edu/campuslife/sv/dv.htm)